Family jokes

What film do orphans hate?

"Instant Family."

Why do orphans have criminal records?

So they can be wanted.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home plate.

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it always comes back.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Why was an orphan loving school?

Because the people actually came back.

Why do orphans become criminals?

To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Your mama's so stupid that she went on to hike Mountain Dew...

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to smell her own nose.

Why can't the orphan run past third base?

'Cause the orphan doesn't have a home to run to.

Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

Why do orphans not like laptops?...

They don't have a homepage.

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.