Family jokes
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Hippity hoppity, you are no one's property.
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
Sister: "Has anyone seen my clothes?"
Brother: "They're still in my bed."
What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?
I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
My uncle can't walk straight. I think it's because he's gay.
What is something an orphan's phone does not have?
Home buttons.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't find home.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.