Family jokes

What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?

A full house.

Why do orphans rob banks?

Because they want to be wanted.

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

Because no one misses them.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.

Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?

They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!

Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

What's the difference between Michael Joseph Jackson and Richard Pryor?

One was burned by Pepsi. The other burned by coke. Richard Pryor married and had kids, and Michael Joseph Jackson molested kids.

BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"