Family jokes
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home base.
Why do dads take time to get?
Milk?
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.
Teacher: I was an orphan as a child.
Student: Sorry to hear.
Teacher: Is anyone missing today?
Student: Your parents.
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?
'Cause their dad never came back with it.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.
What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?
"Full House".
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?
Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.
Why can't orphans score in baseball?
They can't find home.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."