Family jokes

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?

Neither can be found.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Only one is wanted.

What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.

When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

I got a sister.

That was a big mistake.

Dad?

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can’t hit a home run.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

Your mom and dad are never coming back because dad is cumming for another kid.

For any bag of chips, it's considered family size.

Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.

Why don’t orphans play poker?

'Cause they don’t know what a full house is.

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They don't have anyone to call "daddy."