Family jokes
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
Memes
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Where's your mom?
In the bin.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
My sister is so short she can't walk.
Ur adopted.
Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.
What's the food orphans can't eat?
Family-sized ice cream.
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
"You is so black your mama fainted."
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?
They don't know where home plate is.