Family jokes

My sister is so short she can't walk.

Ur adopted.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?

One you can unscrew.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.

What film do orphans hate?

"Instant Family."

Why do orphans have criminal records?

So they can be wanted.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home plate.

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it always comes back.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!