Family jokes
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
Your dad must be a mailman.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
The boomerang comes back.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Does a midget count as an orphan?
My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel has family.
I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?
What kind of flower do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising...
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.