Family jokes

BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?

Orphan: I'm hungry.

Dad: Let's go to KFC.

Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!

Why can orphans only watch G-rated movies?

Because they have no parental guidance.

What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One of them is picked.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

Why can't an orphan hit a home run?

He's got no home to run to.

Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?

Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"

BAJAHAHAHHAA

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.