Family jokes

You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

Why do orphans play baseball?

So they can touch home.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Your mother.

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

My great-great-great grandpa killed Hitler.

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.

Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?

Because they never came home.

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.