Family jokes
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
His gay ass dad.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"
I say, "Your parents."
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked, and the other doesn’t.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent signature________________
What is wrong with the orphan website? It doesn't have a homepage.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."