Family jokes

Teacher: Is anyone's parents missing?

Students: Yeah, yours.

I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

Why do orphans go to the market?

To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Only one is wanted.

If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Orphan: I'm hungry.

Dad: Let's go to KFC.

Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

What do orphans' parents have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because there is no home plate.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

They can’t find home.