Family jokes
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and orphans?
At least the Twin Towers saw the parents they crashed on.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.