Family jokes

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?

A: Because they can't find home.

Yo mama!

Why can't you eat cereal?

Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!

Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?

Because they’ve got guardians!

I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?

Dad:

Hey daddy *winky face*

I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?

Because they have no parents to run to.

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?

GO HOME!

The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't run home.

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."