Family jokes
I made a website for orphans.
It doesn't have a homepage.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
Why do orphans love blowjobs?
Because they actually get kissed!
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell 'em to clap until their parents come home.
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!