Family jokes

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

Why can't you eat cereal?

Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!

Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?

A: Because they can't find home.

Yo mama!

I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?

Because they have no parents to run to.

What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?

GO HOME!

Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?

Because they’ve got guardians!

The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?

John fucked them both in the rear.

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t run home.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't run home.