Family jokes
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Why do orphans only have iPhone XR?
Because they don't have home buttons.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it doesn't know where home base is.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
Why do orphans hate iPhones? Because they have a home button.
What do you call an orphan at the dinner table?
Family dinner!
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?
They both went down on my dad.
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...