Family

Family jokes

Orphan

Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?

A: He could not use his mother's credit card.

Incest

One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.

Mom

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.

Orphan

Why do orphans always get picked on?

They can't run and tell their parents.

Mom

Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.

Mom: No, honey, I killed him.

Grandpa

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

Plane

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Sister

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

News

Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?

Jack: Bad News first.

Mother: I'm dying!

Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.

Mother: *cries*

Jack was never seen again.

Dad

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?

Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.

Halloween

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

Pedo

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

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  • Bear

    Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

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