Family jokes
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
Why is the iPhone X the perfect phone for an orphan?
Because there is no home button.
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."
When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."
Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"
Son:...... um
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?