Family jokes

What do you call an orphan fish?

Self-ish.

Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.

Why don't orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell 'em to clap until their parents come home.

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!

What is a cow on two legs?

Yo mama!

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"

Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.

Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?

A: He could not use his mother's credit card.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?

Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"