Family jokes
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
Riddle me this. Riddle me that.
Why did my parents never come back?
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.
I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.
Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?
Orphan: Parent signature: ___________
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Orphan: What's a mama?
Random kid: *shook*
I put the fun in dysfunctional.
Yo mama so fat, Dora can't explore her.
1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.