Family jokes

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?

Because she wanted that D.

The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.

Dad: Son, you're adopted.

Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?

"Me time."

My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.

Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?

Because their parents were in a jam.

What do you call an orphan fish?

Self-ish.

Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Orphan: What's a mama?

Random kid: *shook*

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.

Why is the iPhone X the perfect phone for an orphan?

Because there is no home button.

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.

Yo mama so fat, Dora can't explore her.

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”