Family jokes
Why are orphans always at school?
'Cause they can't be homeschooled.
If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.
My dad left me.
Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
Why can't orphans play cricket?
'Cause they don't know where the home is.
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
Dad, I love you.
Son, I love you.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
Mom! (DYM 3)
If your dad didn't bring the milk, what are you dipping your cookies in?
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
Because he can't get home.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.