Family jokes
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏