My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you
Coconut
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"
Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don't have a ...
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family even grandma.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies "Well for your daughter, Denise" "That's a nice name" comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies "Denephew".
A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
Is it just me or when you wipe your ass to deep it reminds you of your uncle. Just me??
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
So little johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!
If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?
Little johnny smiled and said: A bus driver!
why cant a orphan play family fued because it has to have a family
*My mom trying to get me to do dishes*
Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.
Me: Why did you?
Mom: I was very drunk...
Explains a lot...
Billy: I'm so use to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long distance relationship
Sally: Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall...
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
why can’t orphans work at S.C Johnson
Cause it’s a family Company
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say forgive and forget. They are really obedient.
