Family jokes
What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Why was Timmy sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.
What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a BMW in my garage.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
Why do orphans not play bingo?
Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
What do u call a girl that runs faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin!
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
What did Love name his daughter?
Sweetheart. ♥
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!