Family jokes
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have their parent's email.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
They always come back.
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
Me: Why can't orphans play baseball? Friend: Why? Me: Because they can't find home.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?
Because it didn’t have one.
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.