Family Jokes

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

What do you call a parent that is pregnant?

Buy one, get one free.

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

The image is a two-panel cartoon showing a mom and son in the first panel, with the son saying "Mom come here... HURRY! Daddy dressed up as a Piñata." In the second panel, the mom looks distraught and is crying while the son is holding a stick and ready to hit the dad, who is hanging like a piñata.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home plate is.

What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?

At least outlaws are wanted.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

What is the difference between iPhones and orphans?

iPhones have a home button.

Why do orphans suck at web design?

They don’t know what a home page is.

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?

They wanted some family time.

Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: Damn!

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your parents!

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"