Family jokes
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
Orphans got me like: 😂
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
"Daddy's Home."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
Why can't orphans become YouTubers?
They don't have electricity!
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
Why do orphans have phones?
Because they don't know how to call home.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their home.😁😁