Family jokes
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.
I made a website for orphans.
It has no homepage.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
Imagine not having parents. Lol.
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.