Family jokes
What can't orphans do?
Be homosexual because they have no home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
Why are orphans so famous for their jokes?
Because everyone says go big or go home!
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
Why does an orphan play GTA?
To get wanted.
Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."