Family jokes
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Like this joke. Ur mom.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?
What would you call a cover for your cock?
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕
Why was Kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.
Simpsons.
Meet the Simpsons.
They're the greatest modern family.
From the town of Springfield.
They're a page right out of history.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?
Homeless.