Family Jokes

i hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

Why did Billy fall off his bike? Because his dad threw a chair at him.

My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago but ahe didnt tell me what it was........anyways im turning 14 next month.

Technically we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.

Frank: I am named frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years. Finley: I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties! Mia: Can we please change the subject?

my aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race". she died in a fire.

i just wanted to say to never let go of family they are everything never let anyone walk all over you and if you are with me like this quote

My mom asks "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK-"

My wife cheated on me with my brother She didn't have a sister so I improvised and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with there dad than there mom?

They already know that there dad is gonna get " Milk " and never return

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

Parents: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage, Kid: why? Parents: so you don't get bored there

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things then she told me to go live in it

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by god and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made. Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)