Family Jokes

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

I'm so proud of my Grandpa. He killed Hitler himself.

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

Because that’s the only love they get.

RIP

The image shows a split view of two anime characters. On the left is a person with long white hair sitting down, labeled "my clinical depression". On the right, a male anime character with short blonde hair is looking away, labeled "my family".

Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?

A: The homepage.

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family photo.

My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.