Family jokes

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?

The tomato gets picked.

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Me time.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What’s an orphan's favorite drink?

Fosters.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?

They can't find home. 🤣