Family jokes

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.

Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?

They can't find home. 🤣

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

Why did the orphan go to church?

To hear some "foster" parenting advice.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"