Family jokes

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?

The tomato gets picked.

Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?

Because he can't run home.

Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Me time.

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

What’s an orphan's favorite drink?

Fosters.

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!