Family jokes
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
What is an orphan's favorite song? "Lost Boy."
Why do orphans hate school?
No field trips. Parent signature_____________.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
Memes
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.