Family jokes
Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.
My grandfather killed Hitler.
Get it? Get it?
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)
When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
To have someone to call "daddy!"