Family jokes

My mom calls me.

Me: WHAT MOM?

No answer.

Me: WHAT?

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

To have someone to call "daddy!"

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

A child's parents once lived in Chicago.

I wonder why he's in an orphanage now.

What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?

He has family ties.

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.

What do you call a parent that is pregnant?

Buy one, get one free.

Why can't an orphan ever be a criminal?

Because he isn't wanted.

Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?

Because it can't find the home button.

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...

Wanna know something the orphan could never do?

Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

What is an orphan's favorite part of school homework?

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

Who needs parents to be great?

What is an orphan's most relatable movie?

"Home Alone."

What superhero will orphans never understand?

Homelander.