Family jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.
Why can't orphans play on a computer?
'Cause they have no motherboard.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?
Because they want to feel wanted.
Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
Why do orphans go to church?
It's the only place where they can call someone "father."
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Why is it okay to bully an orphan?
It’s not like they could tell their parents.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."