Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't have a closet to come from.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What do you call an orphan’s family tree?
A stump.