What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What's the worst place to teach an orphan? Homeschool.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Orphan: asks you random joke what is the difference between my bomerang and my parents Me: the boomerange came back
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
