Family jokes
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
What's an orphan's favorite meme?
Homer going into a bush.
Might take a while to notice and this one is bad.
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
What did the parents name their retarded baby? Dimitri
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
"UwU my balls says mommy."
"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"
Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.
My grandfather killed Hitler.
Get it? Get it?
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.