I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
Boy: The F in Orfan stands for family Orphan: But there’s no F in orphan Boy:Exactly
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
What do you call an orphan family? None existent.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
