Family

Family jokes

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Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?

They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Hey Siri, where is my dad?

Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

...WhAT-

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What do my mom and a basketball have in common?

My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

Why can’t orphans play baseball? 'Cause they can’t find home plate.

The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.

Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?

In hope to find a mummy.

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...