Family jokes
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because I can’t hit a home run. 💀💀💀
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
What cookie has an orphan never had?
Homemade.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.
Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.