Family jokes
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Your mam is gay.
Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Ya mums, ya dad.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Duh!"
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?
You better ketchup!
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
What do you call a hillbilly girl who's faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin.