Family jokes

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

A new game the whole family can play...

Incest.

There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.

It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE

Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"

Phone rings; "Are your parents home?"

Orphan; "Stop calling here!"

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

Your mom gay.

I lick cows for my mother.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

My dad.

Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.

Ur mom gei.

Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?