Family jokes
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,
I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!