Family jokes

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"

I remember my uncle's last words:

"I don't think we're going shooting today."

My family.

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"

Guy: That's probably because you're single.

What type of flour do orphans use to bake with...? Self-raising flour!

Yo mama so fat, she is fat.

Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?

His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

I fucked my mom.

"and i oop"

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

What is so annoying? A younger sister.

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

Why did Johnny cry?

He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.