Family jokes
I have a dad.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.
Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.