Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Family Jokes
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? A: Apples get picked.
I didn’t orphan never say home.
Because they didn’t have one.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
My Dad went for some milk. He never came back :)
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
