Family jokes
Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"
Mister: No, you shit head.
Boy: Why? :(
Mister: Because I'm not your dad.
You are family.
What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.
The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"
That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.
Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.
Why can't an orphan be a bully? Because they don't have parents.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
Why does an orphan play GTA?
To get wanted.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
Why do orphans play baseball because they try to find home?
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
Why can't orphans go to school? They can't attend parent-teacher conferences.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."