Family jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?
B: Because today we had a parent meetup.
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.
Why does your mom hate you?
Because you are a loser.
What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Why can an orphan only get an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Move to a new house.
Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
I love orphans. They're precious.
Who is an orphan's favorite soccer player?
Been fostered.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."
Orphans more like or fans!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂