Family jokes
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Kid: Hi Mum!
Mum: Hi, Loser!
Kid: Why?
Mum: You loser, why? Hahaha!
Kid: Waaaaaaa!
I know this is not funny, but who cares?
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their home.😁😁
Q. Why can't orphans play baseball?
A. Because they don't know where home is.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?
Answer: They couldn't find home base.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.