Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
Yo mama such a quitter, she di[ed].
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
I fucc mi brother.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
Why did Sally not save the mountain climber?
Because it was her dad.
Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎
Yo mama!
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
