Family jokes
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know how to get to home.
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.
Boy: Knock knock.
Girl: ...Who's there?
Boy: Not your parents!
An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your fat ass mom.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅
Why do orphans play Minecraft? Because they have no home.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.
Orphan: I don’t have parents.
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.