Family jokes
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
Orphan: I fucked your mom.
Kid: At least mine survived from it.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Brother: Your nuts!
Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Kid: Hi Mum!
Mum: Hi, Loser!
Kid: Why?
Mum: You loser, why? Hahaha!
Kid: Waaaaaaa!
I know this is not funny, but who cares?
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their home.😁😁
Q. Why can't orphans play baseball?
A. Because they don't know where home is.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.