Family jokes
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."
Orphans more like or fans!!!!ππππππππ
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I donβt blame him, I donβt like soggy vegetables either.
Orphan: I fucked your mom.
Kid: At least mine survived from it.
Whatβs the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and thatβs the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. πππππ 6 weeks later, she died. πππππππππππππ
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Brother: Your nuts!
Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!
I wasnβt planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Kid: Hi Mum!
Mum: Hi, Loser!
Kid: Why?
Mum: You loser, why? Hahaha!
Kid: Waaaaaaa!
I know this is not funny, but who cares?
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
Why canβt orphans play baseball?
Because they canβt find their home.ππ
Q. Why can't orphans play baseball?
A. Because they don't know where home is.