Family jokes
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.
Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball??
They can’t hit a home run! 😂
Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?
Orphan: Parent signature: ___________
Mom!
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭
Why do orphans go to church?
Why?
To finally call someone "father."