Family jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

Why can't an orphan go on a field trip?

'Cause they need parent registration!

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

Boomerangs come back, but your dad never did.

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

Why do orphans not play bingo?

Because they don’t know what a full house is.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

Say, Aiden, are you and Gwen dating? Oooo, you and her sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., then comes the romance, then comes engagement, then comes the wedding, and then the baby! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then comes cheating and arguments, and then D.I.V.O.R.C.E.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiden + Gwen = Husband and wife! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Girlfriend and boyfriend!!!!!!!!

Ur mom.

Oh wait, you don't have one.

Orphan: I finally have a father!

God: And who is that?

Orphan: You!

God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.

Orphan: :l

I made a website for orphans.

Unfortunately, it does not have a home page.

I heard World War 50000000 in my parent's room.

I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.

Me: I have a dream.

Mom: What?

Me: For you to fucking shut up.

Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

Yo mama so clueless, she sat on the TV to watch the couch.

I spit on an orphan. What is he going to do? Tell his parents?

Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can never find home.