Family jokes
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
Why did the kid cry?
His dad didn't get the milk.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Imagine not having a dad.
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
Why are you an orphan? Loser...
Why can't an orphan roleplay? Because they don't have parents.
My mom is actually a mum! 😱
Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.
Mom (DYM 65).
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
Q) Why did the uncle sleep with his own nephew?
A) Cuz the boy wouldn't stop talking about Donald Trump every single weekend.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.