Family jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
Some kid with parents: "Knock, knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
Some kid with parents: "Not your parents."
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Girl: I like girls.
Dad: Ok?
Girl 2: I like girls too.
Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!
Boy: I do.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
Orphans are cool.
What's the difference between an orphan and baseball?
In baseball, you know where home is.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*
Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”
Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”
Teacher: “Why?”
Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Why don’t orphans have parents?
'Cause they were abandoned.
What do you call an orphan's home?
No home.
Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.
What do orphans call a holiday?
A bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket.
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.