Family jokes
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why did your father go away?
'Cause he needs da milk.
My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!
I am an orphan...
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.