Family jokes
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.
Orphan jokes aren't to be made fun of.
They're just aimed at older audiences. Oh wait.
THEY AREN'T EVEN OLDER AGES.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?
Orphan: "My Parents."
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
Kid: I need help!
Mom: Help your balls.
Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.
What do you call an orphan who can't get 5 stars on GTA?
Not wanted.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.