Family jokes
I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."
Why could the orphan never be gay?
Because he had nobody to call "daddy."
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.
Q: What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
A: Apples get picked.
Yo mama is so nonverbal that she’s Boss Baby.
What company do orphans hate the most?
S. C. Johnson, a family company.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Ashley Home Store.
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
Why does an orphan love baseball? Because their ball comes back, get pranked, bitch!
Why was the orphan so famous?
Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.
I love my mom.
"Knock, knock."
"Orphan: Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.