Family jokes
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find a home.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?
Your mama's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it said, "Viewer discretion advised!"
Your mother is so fat, she doesn’t need...
Why do orphans play GTA so much?
Because they can be wanted for once.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.
Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
Why can't the orphan run past third base?
'Cause the orphan doesn't have a home to run to.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.