Family jokes
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why did your father go away?
'Cause he needs da milk.
My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!
I am an orphan...
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Hey, don’t Orpheus have friends because people do have family?
What is an orphan's favorite naval film?
"Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
Yo mama's so fat, there's not enough yo mama's so fat jokes to tell how fat she is.
Yo mama so fat that your mama so fat, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that your mamas just fat.
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )