Family jokes

If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

Why can't an orphan be a YouTuber? Because most of the videos are family-friendly.

What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?

Raisin kids!

Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂

Fuck you and your shitty family!

Go to an orphanage and tell the kids their parents came back as an April Fools' joke.

A dad is in a wheelchair and his daughter goes, "Don't step on a crack!"

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

Not like they can tell their parents.

Your mum is stupid, just like you.

What's an orphan's least favorite game?

Hide and seek.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

Mommy?

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.