Family jokes

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.

"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."

Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"

Why are orphans not that good at baseball?

They can never hit a homerun.

What kind of work from school can't orphans do?

Homework!

What do my parents have in common with Nemo? They can't be found.

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

Yo mama's so ugly that even Hello Kitty had to say goodbye.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...