Family jokes
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
Why do orphans hate hide and seek?
Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
Why was the rapper always late?
Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?