Family jokes
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
Turns out Christopher was adopted.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.
Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Mum: Why are roses red?
Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.
Mum: I made you.