Family jokes

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?

A dad joke.

What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character?

Harry Potter.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.

Yo mama was so dumb, he didn't know how to turn on his computer.

Yo mama is so fat we need to use yo papa!

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.