I once was playing with my friend and roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. i broke up with her and unfriended him then i saw my mom and my uncle crying! Me be like : ;-;
Daddy I really miss you mummy changed my name to tickle timpson anyway daddy I forgive you for abusing me
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends Chad just murdered his wife Claire and after doing that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after My moms reply: Jesus Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess won’t he
I farted in my grandma ́s breathing machine
my grandma unplugged the internet cable so i unplugged her life support
my grandma told me i was next at my brothers wedding so i told her she was next at her husband's funeral
My wife called me a pedo that's a big word for a 6 year old
what did dom toerreto say about the tree paul walker hit famly strong but not that strong
Mom: hey son, what does idk and idc mean?
Son: i don’t know and I don’t care.
Mom: excuse me?
Son: oh, and by the way mum, what’s for dinner?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
What is an Orphans favorite toy
Answer: a boomerang cause it is the only thing that comes back to them
What do orphans and tvs have in common? At least one of them have a home
“My beard actually connects” “like the connection u never had with your father”
My uncle is an alchemist
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse
this is a true fact, the letter 'F' in orphan stands for family?
Orphan lady: ok kids, someone donated groceries Orphans: YAY! 5 minutes late.. Orphans: Wait..wheres the.. Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter* Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike I just collect body parts
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes and I replied with its not that deep
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone. Son: Okay, I'll do it! 5 hours later... Son: I'm done! Dad: I lied. Son: So did I!
