Family jokes

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."

Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*

*Wakes up in an adoption center.*

Damn, it was those kind of papers.

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: Damn!

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your parents!

Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.

You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.

Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?

Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?

Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.

Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly.

If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.

Yo daddy so ugly he want them ice.

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

Yo mama is so ugly that James Charles rejected her.

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.