Family jokes
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. š
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. šµ
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.
What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?
My dad went to get both and never came back.
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
I don't got free candy. It costs child support.