Family jokes
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can't go home.
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
I love making jokes about orphans!
What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.
What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?
My dad went to get both and never came back.
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......