Family

Family jokes

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I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.

Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"

What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.

Why can’t orphans go on field trips?

Because they can’t get their parents’ permission.

Why did the orphan live at school?

Because on the first day his parents didn’t pick him up.

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!