Family jokes
I like your mom naked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know home base.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
Bully: Ha, guess what?
Nerd: What?
Bully: You are adopted.
Nerd: At least I was wanted!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home to run to.
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"