Existence jokes
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
Well, Thanks Cleverbot, I guess?
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.
Your life.
My entire existence.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
What do your teacher and your friend have in common? They will both die eventually.
My life is a joke.
Want to hear a joke? My life.
My sister told me a joke.
All she said was "my life."
I will tell you a joke--your life.
The only joke my dad ever made was me.
My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”
“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"