How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
Louie's parents tried this.
What does a glass of water ask a pond?
"Water you doing?"
What does the pond answer?
"Pondering life."
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
My sex life.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
My dick is longer than your life.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life?
What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a mustang challenger? A mustang challenger doesn't exist
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
