Ball

Anonymous

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how abt you ligma balls 😏 (it’s all abt how you pronounce the end)

Sadness

What’s the point in staying alive if your a piece of shit, failure at everything, rejected, forever unwanted, allways been alone and know I will allways be alone Untill I die which will never be soon enough and that’s the worst thing living life when you already have so much hate for yourself then compounding it with knowing that your unlovable, the worst ugliest and evil people still had someone that loved them so I must be worse, a woman would rather be with a ugly, disrespectful belittling cheater than with someone that would treat them good,I can’t even get one, I’m 31 being alone it’s the worst feeling there is, but sadly I understand nothing I do or will ever do it would be ever good enough no amount of money nothing I’m such a failure I can’t even kill myself something I wish forever because I know for next 40 or 50 years I’m going to live in the worst torture you can think of hell I wish I was being physically tortured I don’t think it’ll be that bad it’s sadly it’s only getting worse it’s so bad I don’t even have really anyone to even talk to I live at home alone and don’t even have any pets , so I suppose the whole joke is there is no God and this just proves it more like Satan cuz that’s the only person I can think of that will do this to someone make him see everyday just how unwanted he really is but no all I get is to watch people together and know that it will never happen for me , I can’t even get up the courage to end my life cuz I’m that much of a coward and a b****, why do I have to be in healthy shape I wish that I wasn’t I wish that I had cancer just so I can die more so I never asked to be here I wish there was a way that I could just give my life to someone else someone that deserves it because I know I will never be happy but one thing is looking up because I always thought that was going to have to endure all of this pain and misery and rejection and being alone until I die 30 40 50 years from now however I feel it’s going to be a lot sooner soon very soon and I’m looking forward to it I feel it I feel something bad is going to happen but then again wouldn’t it be something good technically anyway maybe God has been listening don’t believe there’s one anyway but maybe my prayers are finally being answered since I was 10 all I’ve ever wanted was two things to someone to love me and to die because I knew the first one would never happen and being alive is not worth it 31years old and I hate myself more than anything in the world so if they are people out there who believe in god pray to him to end my suffering because he doesn’t want to listen to me who could blame him sorry it was long joke and if you don’t know what the joke was it’s simple MY LIFE Respond if you want but I wouldn’t even wast your time

Orange

thomas2012

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black…oohh, black and yellow… ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT’D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew…wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa…Whooo…wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp…under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees…please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of… The numbers on the podium

Cow

Wolf joker maker

If a baby cow finds a wolf pup they will best friends but when mummy wolf comes it’s a fight so the baby cow and the wolf pup made it a Secret but one day the mummy cow and the mummy wolf Found out but no one got hurt in fact the mummy cow and the mummy wolf got to know each other and baby cow and wolf pup were very happy and played all day long there friendship will never Break -THE END- this was not a joke but a meaning if you are different that doesn’t change who you are and your friends are so be yourself and don’t let people break your dreams and don’t Forget them either so no matter who you are don’t let people change who you are🐺🐮

Woman

Anonymous

a man walks into a bar he see’s a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer, he gets on his hands and knees and prays to god out loud, the bar tender says, why are you praying? He says, because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand.

Offensive

Anonymous

Sorry I don’t have a joke here… Just wondering how idiots end up herecomplaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can’t take it piss the fuck off… If I’d be gay and I’d look up gay jokes and get offended…how stupid is that?

Girlfriend

G. Brooks

How am I an ableist? My ex girlfriend was in a wheelchair and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to 8th floor.

Fast

Nivedh jha

Parademic are so bad go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise the tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race the race begin and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow the rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow so he decided to take a nap as he took a nap the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke the ran as fast as he could but when he came to the end the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again

Orphan

The Weird Person I Met On The Street

An orphanage got robbed yesterday, let’s just say that’s the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn’t end up like their parents.

Gun

Anonymous poop

Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun, he tagged my friend really good. At the end he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher VICTORY ROAYAL ✌

Baby

watersharky

Peaches-REMAKE-By-Justin Beiber and watersharky Music Productions- I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) I get my weed from California (that’s that shit) I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that’s it) And I see you (oh), the way I breathe you in (in), it’s the texture of your skin I wanna wrap my arms around you, baby, never let you go, oh And I say, oh, there’s nothing like your touch It’s the way you lift me up, yeah And I’ll be right here with you 'til the end I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) I get my weed from California (that’s that shit) I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that’s it) You ain’t sure yet, but I’m for ya All I could want, all I can wish for Nights alone that we miss more And days we save as souvenirs There’s no time, I wanna make more time And give you my whole life I left my girl, I’m in Mallorca Hate to leave her, call it torture Remember when I couldn’t hold her Left her baggage for Rimowa I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) I get my weed from California (that’s that shit) I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that’s it) I get the feeling, so I’m sure (sure) Hand in my hand because I’m yours I can’t, I can’t pretend, I can’t ignore you’re right for me Don’t think you wanna know just where I’ve been, oh Done being distracted The one I need is right in my arms (oh) Your kisses taste the sweetest with mine And I’ll be right here with you 'til end of time I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) I get my weed from California (that’s that shit) I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that’s it) I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) I get my weed from California (that’s that shit) I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) (I get my light right from the source, yeah, yeah) I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) I get my weed from California (that’s that shit) I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that’s it) I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) I get my weed from California (that’s that shit) I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that’s it)

Time

SHEEEESH DABABY

Once upon a time the end was what when how end meow.

Fire

P....

What begins in F and ends in UCK?

Fire truck

2 entries hidden

Jack and Jill

yourmumsdildo12234

jack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick jills candy but in the end jacks got a face full of cock because jill’s real name is randy

Orphan

Anonymous

Where do all orphan chickens end up. Foster farms

Offensive

Yummy

What begins with F and ends with CK fuck i mean fire truck